Wednesday, September 14, 2011

My Boyfriend's Back

This is my first blog post. Instead of giving a background of who I am, why I'm blogging, blah blah blah, I'm going to jump right in. Sometime down the road, I'll blog about all that. But, right now, I have exciting news.

I'm happily married (exciting, but not THE exciting part!) and there are three things my husband is in charge of: trash, letting the dog out at all hours of the night and directions.

Since I do a lot of driving shuttling our daughter hither and yon, and spend most of my time behind the wheel of a car completely lost, my husband - wonderful man that he is - got me a boyfriend. It's probably because he was tired of being my own personal GPS.

My boyfriend.

His name is TomTom and I have been lost without him (pun intended), lo these many weeks. He just up and quit on me. Maybe, he gave warning. Maybe, he froze up. I don't remember. What I do remember is my daily panic attacks as soon as I get behind that wheel. Who can help me? My husband? Not if I want to get him fired for too many personal calls and turn our family into one of the homeless.

My daughter was born without a paternal chromosome 15 (more on that later). I was born without a sense of direction. I have other talents. I promise I do. But directions, nope. That file got lost somewhere in the transfer.

I have been diligently scouring the boards, help sections and anything that Google spit out about "TomTom not working", "TomTom not turning on", or "Desperate directionally-challenged woman needs to fix her TomTom ASAP". And until tonight, no luck.

I was even thinking of cheating on him with another man (besides my husband that is) - Verizon Navigator. But, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Seeing how my hands started to shake and I was going through withdrawals, my husband asked if I had the original box and manual. Of course I did!

But, how the heck did he ever come up with that? Isn't that almost like asking for directions? I've never actually ever witnessed a man do that. I thought it was an urban myth and checked it out on Snopes.

Lo and behold. There was a diagram showing me where this elusive "reset" button I had been reading about was located. I didn't believe my TomTom had one. There, I admitted it.

But, in my defense, the manufacturer had placed a label cheerily declaring "Maps of US and Canada now preloaded on internal memory! No SD card required." Seriously, they used an exclamation point. They were pretty darn excited about the poor SD card being out of work.

Next to that sad empty SD slot was a teeny, tiny hole with the teeny, tiny word "Reset". (Cue choir of angels!) I inserted the end of a paper clip and VOILA!! I heard the TomTom drums. It's one of the sweetest sounds I've ever heard.

Just in the nick of time too. Soon, I have to figure out how to get to Union Park from Winter Garden. And in October, I have to find out how to get to this place called Monte Verde. Doesn't Monte Verde mean "green mountain"? I think they are pulling my leg. We're in Florida. Flat flat FLAT Florida.

It doesn't matter. I'll ask my boyfriend. He'll tell me the truth. AND he'll tell me how to get there ... now that he's back!!